Response to Laura

Cornelia de Lange Syndrome is a piece about Laura's brother who has the syndrome which the story is named after. I had a hard time deciding if this was a memoir or a personal essay. It seemed somewhere caught in the middle, because while I learned a lot about this syndrome, I don't feel like there was much of a memoir component until the end with the bus driver.

This piece surprised me because I wasn't expecting to read anything like this. It was really informative, and I liked how you included that your mother was a doctor. Through explaining about the feeding issues your brother experienced, you were able to show how difficult it was for her as a pediatrician to not know what was wrong with her son. I liked the transition in the story where you went from explaining how your brother was picking flowers on a soccer field to discussing the self-injurious behavior he would sometimes have. The last scene in the story was my favorite, although I couldn't believe a bus driver of special needs children could be so rude and insensitive. Props to you for standing up to his behavior! Including that in your story showed how devoted you are to your brother and how much you love him.

Sometimes I felt a little blinded by the amount of similes, metaphors and alliteration included in this piece. I think more simple language could be used and still allow you to get your point across. Not that there's anything wrong with those literary elements, but I feel like they work better in moderation so that they don't distract from your message. In addition, I would reorganize the story. The scene with the bus driver is interesting, and it shows your emotional investment in your brother; therefore, I think that part should be extended and introduced earlier in the story. That way you can answer more questions such as how did that experience make you feel? did it make you more aware of the difficulties your brother might face in the future? did anything change with the bus driver after that day? I think making that scene stronger would enhance the overall story.