Poem Workshop One

Critique: I Wonder Why

I enjoyed how this poem personified clouds. Sure we notice clouds, but rarely do we stop to ever wonder at their direction. The way different weather scenarios, such as crying representing rain, are expressed is very creative and allows for a clear vision to form in the reader’s mind. I feel the break between stanzas is appropriate and allows the first line of each stanza to stand out, as I’m sure the author intended.

As for any changes I’d make, I don’t feel the title accurately prepares readers for the poem. It seems weaker than the poem as a whole is. The alliteration at the end with “exhaustion”, “exasperation”, and “exaggeration” seems a little forced. Maybe if one of the “e” words was replaced with another word then the alliteration wouldn’t seems as intentional. I also felt the last stanza was confusing in a way the others were not; who is trapped in a mindless sphere? You or the clouds?

Overall though I felt the poem flowed well and has great potential. 

Critique: My Home

This poem is about how the security of our homes serve as a comfort to us because they are familiar, and also how they can serve as type of prison, keeping us from discovering new places. I felt the imagery the author used here was great; it wasn’t hard for me to envision a yard with thick trees, surrounded by high walls. I like the point the author made about how the comforts the home offers is actually the dragon. I can relate to this because I’m from a small town where people rarely leave because they are too afraid of losing the comforts they have in a place they’re already familiar with. 

The main thing I would change about this poem is the format. The way it is currently formatted made me feel like I had to read the poem quickly, and I honestly felt breathless by the time it was over. I also think the “bad memories” mentioned in the first line could be expanded on. What exactly happened here? Just a little bit of insight might  further improve the impact of this poem. The line “Like a princess locked away in a tower” feels like something I’ve read before, and I think it could be replaced with something that isn’t so common.

It is obvious though that a lot of hard work was put into this poem, so good job!