Response to "Brownies"

I really liked this story, because Laurel, or Snot, was such a mature character for her age. While she was only in the fourth grade Laurel could see the injustice and racism that occurred all around her; not just racism towards herself, either: she witnessed her own father being racist towards a group of Mennonites. It appears that the troop view whites as these creatures that exist in a world separate from their own. It never crossed their minds that the girls from Troop 909 might have disabilities, and even when they learned they were disabled, it didn't stop them from mocking them on the bus ride home. Obviously Arnetta had never heard anyone from Troop 909 call any of the girls in her troop a "nigger." Arnetta was an instigator, and people like her really get on my nerves, regardless of their race.  The line where Laurel narrates, "We had all been taught that adulthood was full of sorrow and pain, taxes and bills, dreaded work and dealings with whites, sickness and death" really stuck out to me, because it was shocking that white people was grouped in with horrible things such as sickness and death. As a white person, I don't find myself someone that black people have to deal with, and it's sad to me if black people actually feel that way. For the author to mention it, it their must be some truth to it.

Orozco & Johnson response

In my opinion "Orientation" was extremely relatable. I've had a job since I was 16 years old, and every time the orientation is crammed full of information that in all honesty goes in one ear and out the other. The paragraphs were structured to relay this hurried dose of information. Like the new employee trying to pay attention, I found my mind would often wander during tedious safety explanations and procedure charts during my orientations. I love how the narrator explains intimate details about each coworker-- I've found that I too learn way too much about people I work with too, whether I'd like to or not (for example I once had a co-worker who wore bar-bell piercings through her nipples so she and her husband could have kinky sex.. WAY too much information). Despite being able to relate to this on a certain level, the causal mention of the serial killer was stunning, and it made me appreciate the monotony of the rest of the piece.

"Car Crash While Hitchhiking" made me feel like I was on the same drugs the actual narrator was on. The changes in perspective and the narrator not being able to tell the injured man what was real was just really bizarre to me. The line "It felt wonderful to be alive to hear it. I've going looking for that feeling everywhere" struck me the most. The narrator says this after the injured man's wife discovers her husband is dead. While the appreciation of such a cry as the woman had seems quite morbid, it offers a little insight into the character of the narrator in my opinion. It seems to me that in the woman's agony he realizes the love he wishes to have and has tried to find through drugs and alcohol, yet hasn't been successful. The rawness of her sadness strikes him and makes him feel actually present in the moment instead of in a drug haze.

Trash Can Exercise

Amanda’s trash can set under the open kitchen window. It couldn’t smell at all, or she might gag. The trash can and bag lining it were both black to match the decor of the kitchen; also, black made unattractive objects, such as the trash can, seem slimmer. Inside the trash can, crushed in the bottom of the bag, empty Slim Fast cans lay coated with thick vomit, in which swirled whole chunks of blueberry pie, macaroons and a once large meat lover’s pizza. Filling in some of the empty spaces between the cans and vomit were price tags that had been ripped off newly purchased clothing. One laying face up revealed the size of the blouse just purchase (a size 2) and the other folded over a few times exposed the price of a pair of trousers (only $450). Covering all of this trash up was a huge, empty Bergdorf Goodman shopping bag. This bag concealed the trash underneath so well than anyone peering inside of the trash can would be ignorant to the scene below.

This is supposed to reveal that Amanda has an eating disorder. She drinks the Slim Fast, then binges on unhealthy foods before making herself purge. The size sticker shows she's clearly not overweight. In addition, the price tag of only $450, the macaroons and the Bergdorf Goodman shopping bag reveal that she is affluent. 

"The Things They Carried" Response

I first read this short story in high school, and I honestly didn't like it then. I felt it just rambled and that it didn't offer much of a "story" at all (keep in mind that my idea of a good read then was the newest Nicholas Sparks' novel). But now that I'm older and I think I appreciated it a lot more.

I think a lot of the times when one thinks of the military they think of them as one unit, not individual people. "The Things They Carried" forces readers to see each person in the unit as a individual by describing something they carried with them. It allowed me to realize how something as simple as M&M's may be a sweet reminder of home to someone off at war. The author does a good job of describing the guilt Jimmy Cross feels when Ted Lavender dies, in addition to the anxiety O'Brien feels toward the situation with his sweetheart back home. When I first read the story years ago I didn't like the lack of dialogue, but I think for this story this works because sometimes long dialouges don't have to be exchanged in order for a story to occur.

Response to Tylar Threatt

"Nameless" brings up a very good point. Often in college students do not really take the time to acknowledge and network with other students in their classes. As the author points out, it might not be our lack of care for these people as much as it is our desire to just get by in our classes and be done for the day. I really like the stanza breaks in this poem, because the breaks allowed just enough of a pause to reflect on what was just read. I think the poem offers questions, such as "What have we become?" that allows readers to form their own conclusion. The poem itself encourages us to think, something the author seems to believe we haven't really been doing in the classroom, as he writes "Not retaining this information."

The stanza that states "I am not defined by my C-average grades, they just get me by, I am defined by the hunger to succeed" doesn't really make sense. Someone with a "hunger" to succeed would probably care about their grades. Unless the voice of the poem is maybe in an internship or something that can measure his talents in a way that a classroom couldn't, then the only way he can appear to be aiming for success is by getting good grades. While a "C" isn't bad, I don't typically envision someone hungry for success being satisfied with an average grade. I also think that in the first stanza the it would be okay to make the room described one color: saying "white/gray" is a little bit of a mouthful and doesn't allow the first stanza to flow very well.

Response to Will Matthews

In "Tunes" the voice of the poem describes how music has a positive effect on him. I like the line "take me through generations of music and culture" making the music not just about personal taste, but making it a historical experience as well. In the second stanza I think the word "grooves" is a clever choice in the line "And time grooves on" because it has a musical element to it, yet still relays to the reader that time is passing. I like how the poem is simple and only two stanzas, because it reminds me that listening to music doesn't have to be a big production, but can be a simple joy.

The part of this poem that most confused me were the lines "Two pieces of plastic and a cord." Are we talking about an iPod here? A cd player? At first I thought it was a guitar, but then I remember guitars aren't typically made of plastic. I think this line could be clarified more, otherwise some readers might literally envision two pieces of plastic and a cord and get confused. Also, I think the last line in the second stanza could be stronger. "I jam the day away" seems a little typical, and from reading the rest of the poem I can tell the author could come up with something more creative.

Ekphrasis Poem

Subway Exit by O. Louis Guglielmi

Sunlight beats on my skin. 

I see the sky at last. 

Underground terrifies

me. The subway headed

down the tunnel of dark

makes me nervous, but Ma 

is late and she doesn’t

care that I’m scared. We rush

through the crowds of people.

She grabs my arm pulling

me to New York City. 

My feet hit the concrete 

steps and my hand brushes

across the iron railing.

I can see it! I can
smell the fresh air! Oh God

have mercy on us this 

day. Maybe Ma will find 

a job and we can eat

tonight and tomorrow

and I won’t have to take 

the underground again. 

Response to Jenni Roy

"The Storm" describes a couple (or maybe it's just one person?) that goes on a boat ride. Unfortunately, as soon as they are out of site of the shore, a storm begins to brew. The author uses alliteration in several places effectively. For example "blanket of blackness", "thunder thumps" and "burly beast" are all alliterative, yet it is appropriate for the poem and it doesn't come off as the author trying too hard to include a literary device. I like how the title is straight to the point.

The first thing I would change about this poem is the line breaks in the third stanza. The lines are really long compared to the rest of the stanzas, and just at first glance that stanza looks really out of place with the rest of the poem. In addition, the second stanza confused me. Who is the "you" the author is talking about..? After reading the poem through the first time I thought maybe the second stanza was referring to the sun, since the last stanza talks about the sun betraying trust. That almost made sense until I realized the sun doesn't have "emerald eyes." I really think that stanza could be replaced to describe maybe a shift in mood from the first stanza, which would allow the storm to be introduced in a more gradual way. Currently it seems the third stanza is trying to introduce the storm and explain its fury, so giving the second stanza the introduction would allow the third stanza to be more powerful in its content.

Response to Leslie Schroeder

I really enjoyed this poem. I would like to think the author drew inspiration from maybe her grandmother when she was writing it. The poem describes an older lady going about making a cake and eventually potting plants. I liked how the author chose to write the poem from the viewpoint of the hands; they become the perfect storytellers. I actually started reading the poem before I read the title and I got really confused; however, once I read the title it made sense, so kudos to the author for picking an appropriate title that prepared readers. It is evident the author made an effort to produce a clear image to the audience. I especially like the use of the words "curled" and "clutched" because when I read them I could see the hand performing the action of stirring batter or reaching in the refrigerator for milk. The Gone With the Wind reference also helps give the reader an idea about the owner of the hands; clearly she is Southern and perhaps proper.

The only thing I would change about this poem is a few word choices. Sometimes, the poem seemed a little wordy. For example "sunshine, yellow yolk" is redundant. The word "sunshine" usually lets people know something is yellow, so it isn't necessary for both words to be used. Another instance occurs in the line "We hands, both the left and right.." Since the word "hands" was used the reader will know it's both the left and the right hand, so that doesn't need to be clarified. Also I'm not entirely sure if the scene with the plants is needed. Since a lot of the poem is dedicated to the kitchen scene, the flower scene seems a little random, and then it ends abruptly. Maybe the author could replace the lines about plotting plants by expanding on the kitchen some more to finish out the poem.

On a more personal note, this reminded me a lot of my great-grandmother so that made me smile :)

that thing we did in class..

a slight breeze lifts the sticky sand.
ocean waves froth and curl on the smooth shore.
white seashells prick the bottoms of bare feet.
sunburned lips kiss a cherry popsicle.

Poem Workshop One

Critique: I Wonder Why

I enjoyed how this poem personified clouds. Sure we notice clouds, but rarely do we stop to ever wonder at their direction. The way different weather scenarios, such as crying representing rain, are expressed is very creative and allows for a clear vision to form in the reader’s mind. I feel the break between stanzas is appropriate and allows the first line of each stanza to stand out, as I’m sure the author intended.

As for any changes I’d make, I don’t feel the title accurately prepares readers for the poem. It seems weaker than the poem as a whole is. The alliteration at the end with “exhaustion”, “exasperation”, and “exaggeration” seems a little forced. Maybe if one of the “e” words was replaced with another word then the alliteration wouldn’t seems as intentional. I also felt the last stanza was confusing in a way the others were not; who is trapped in a mindless sphere? You or the clouds?

Overall though I felt the poem flowed well and has great potential. 

Critique: My Home

This poem is about how the security of our homes serve as a comfort to us because they are familiar, and also how they can serve as type of prison, keeping us from discovering new places. I felt the imagery the author used here was great; it wasn’t hard for me to envision a yard with thick trees, surrounded by high walls. I like the point the author made about how the comforts the home offers is actually the dragon. I can relate to this because I’m from a small town where people rarely leave because they are too afraid of losing the comforts they have in a place they’re already familiar with. 

The main thing I would change about this poem is the format. The way it is currently formatted made me feel like I had to read the poem quickly, and I honestly felt breathless by the time it was over. I also think the “bad memories” mentioned in the first line could be expanded on. What exactly happened here? Just a little bit of insight might  further improve the impact of this poem. The line “Like a princess locked away in a tower” feels like something I’ve read before, and I think it could be replaced with something that isn’t so common.

It is obvious though that a lot of hard work was put into this poem, so good job!